A Mirror Image
by InThisIllusion
Summary: When Adam develops feelings for Eli he begins to doubt his choice to be 'Adam.' Can Eli and Clare help him or will he fall victim to himself. Rated M for self injury and language
1. Chapter 1

"Earth to Adam." Eli waved his hand back and forth in front of my face. "Dude I know I'm hot and all but can you not stare at me? It's creepy."

Had I been staring? I guess I had, but I couldn't help it. I know he was joking when he said he was hot, but he was hot. More than hot actually. Wait. Did I really just call a dude hot? He was though. The way his dark hair fell across his face. Those green eyes. That way his upper lip dipped down. His crooked smile. Oh god I had to stop this.

"Sorry I was just thinking about someone." I replied quickly. Had that been too obvious? What if he knew it was _him_ I was thinking about.

"Who? Oh wait let me guess." He thought for a second. "Okay Bianca?"

Bianca? Did he really think I was that shallow? "God no!"

I shook my head as Eli went through countless girls names. Fiona. Alli. Holly J. Clare.

"Ok, who is it?" Eli gave up.

"No one important. We're going to be late to class." I told him, trying to change the subject.

We walked to class together, while Eli begged to know who it was. What would he do if I told him it was him? Never talk to me again. Call me a freak. Nothing that I'd never heard before.

I sat in class staring at the board in front of me, watching as the teacher wrote some nonsense about some war or whatever. I didn't care what happened 200 years ago, I had bigger problems. I was crushing on my bestfriend. Not only my bestfriend, but a _guy._ Fuck I needed to talk to Clare. Why did she have to be sick? She'd already gone through this Eli drama. It didn't work out for them but it might for me. Oh who I was kidding, it wouldn't work for me. Eli's straight. So am I. Atleast I _thought _I was.

"Does anyone know what a major contributor was?" Mr. Olsen asked the class. "How about you Mr. Torres?"

"Uhh" I looked down at my notes. Crap. I hadn't written any. My paper was covered in Eli's name surrounded by hearts. It looked like the paper of a 12 year old girl. "I don't know."

"If you were taking notes like you were supposed to you would know." Before I could do anything he walked down the aisle to my desk. Picking up the piece of paper laying in front of me, he looked at it and began laughing. "Adam Torres loves Eli Goldsworthy." He read to the class. Everyone was laughing.

Picking up my bag from under my chair I ran out of the room. Their laughter followed me through the halls, into the bathroom. I couldn't let this happen to me. I was already the joke of the school, once this got around. . .I couldn't let this happen. Eli was going to know. Then Clare. Then they would hate me. I was going to lose my only friends because of my retarded teenage hormones.

Digging through my backpack I found what I needed. I would regret this later, but right now it was what I needed. I rolled up the sleeve of my sweatshirt and looked at the scars I'd placed there before. Flicking the lighter to light I held it under the metal of the broken hair clip I carried with me. Once the metal was heated to my liking I placed it next to my freshest marking. I bit my lip as I felt it melt into my flesh. Removing the clip from my arm I threw it and the lighter back into my bag. I rolled down my sleeve and left.

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in school?" A confused Clare asked, opening the door to her house.

"I have a huge problem." I told her as she let me into her house. We walked to the kitchen and I hopped onto the counter. "I think I might like a guy."

"What?" Clare asked her jaw dropping. "Who?" She tried to cover it up, but I could hear the excitement in her voice.

I took a deep breath. How was I supposed to tell her I liked her ex boyfriend? This was a huge mistake. I couldn't back out now though. "Eli."

"Oh. Wow." Clare bit her lip and looked at the empty space on the counter top next to me.

"I'm so sorry Clare. I know you went out with him. You must hate me." I apologized.

Clare laughed. "Adam, me and Eli broke up for a reason. I don't care about that." She said smiling at me. "It's just . . . well it's _Eli._"

Great, even Clare thought this was stupid. "What do I do?" I was desperate.

"I don't know." She admitted. "I guess you should just keep quiet. He's not interested. It's nothing personal. It's just, well he's straight."

"I know." I sighed and rested my head on the wall behind me, closing my eyes. She was right. I couldn't let him find out. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that he wasn't interested. I would just keep this between me and Clare. It could work.

"Fuck." Clare glared at me. "Sorry. But I just realized something."

"And?" She asked, motioning for me to go on.

"History. Mr. Olsen."

"Huh?"

I explained what happened in class. After an hour of contemplating ideas we decided it would just be best to ignore it, unless Eli brought it up. If he did bring it up . . . well I was screwed. I was actually surprised. I figured Clare would tell me to confess to Eli.

I looked at the screen of my phone. 2:37am. I had to wake up in less than three hours and I hadn't slept at all. It wasn't that I wasn't tired, because I was. Every time I closed my eyes I saw Eli. This was getting insane. I _was not_ gay. I was straight. I, Adam Torres, was straight. I like girls. Maybe this was just a side effect of being raised as 'Gracie.' Gracie. Gracie was straight too. She liked guys. No I wasn't Gracie.

I looked at my arm. Adam didn't burn. Gracie did. Adam didn't like guys. Gracie did. Oh god. I'm turning into her.

"I'm turning into Gracie." I whispered into the darkness.

_A/N: Reviews would be amazing. I'm sorry if the burning scene wasn't great. But this story should get better. It's to things I'm great with. Hopeless crushes and SI._


	2. Chapter 2

"You look like shit." Drew commented at breakfast the next morning. I sat down in the kitchen chair next to him. Ignoring him, I bit into the dark red skin of an apple that had been sitting in a bowl on the counter, along with a variety of other fruits.

He was right. I did look like shit. I hadn't slept at all the night before. I couldn't get the image of 'Gracie' out of my head. Even worse, I kept seeing Gracie and Eli. I knew I had no chance with him. I couldn't even picture myself with him. Him and her could work though.

"Do you need a ride to school?" My Mom asked me when she came into the kitchen to get her car keys. Drew stood up and grabbed his backpack from the back of his chair.

"Yeah sure." I told her. "Just give me a second."

"We don't have all day." She snapped at me.

I nodded and went to collect my things from my room. I shoved some text books into my backpack, as I did that I noticed my French book. I forgot to study. Again. If I failed the test tomorrow I was going to be grounded. I couldn't let that happen.

The bell rang announcing it was lunch and freeing me from class. So far today had been normal. I hadn't heard anything about the incident in Olsen's class and Eli acted the same as always. Even Clare was being causal. Maybe I was worrying about nothing.

As I left the classroom I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.

**Clare: **_Your welcome =D_

What was that supposed to mean? When I reached my locker I realized exactly what it meant. Eli stood leaning against my locker. He was alone. Damn it Clare. How could she leave me alone with him!

"Hey dude." He said.

"Hey. Where's Clare?" I asked him, even though I knew it was going to me some lame story about making up a test or something.

"Does it matter?" He asked. After receiving a dirty look from me, he laughed. "She had to make up a English test. So it's just you and me."

You and me. Me and him. Great. This was going to be bad.

We spent most of the lunch period in the parking lot leaning into his hearse' hood. Apparently it hadn't wanted to start this morning, and Eli was freaking out. It was cute how concerned he was about his car. It was like his kid.

Luckily this didn't leave us with much room for a conversation. It was pretty quiet. I liked it. Unfortunately we figure out what the problem was and managed to fix it, with 15 more minutes to spare. 15 minutes of awkward conversation.

"So are we still hanging out Friday?" I asked. It was kind of our thing. Every Friday night we would go out and have 'guy time.'

"Don't we always?" He asked curiously as we began to walk back towards the school.

I laughed. "Yeah I guess we do."

"Blood Chains will be playing down on 30th, so I thought we could go check them out?" He asked.

"Oh yeah cool!" I agreed in fake excitement. "I love them." That was a total lie. I'd never even heard of them.

We spent the rest of the period talking about how great that band was. I was going to have to listen to them tonight.

I could tell Eli was excited about going. It was so cute. He acted like a kid locked in Disneyland. It was adorable. Friday couldn't come soon enough. How was it only Tuesday?

Even though lunch ended two hours ago, I couldn't stop thinking about how nice it'd been to hang with Eli. Even if we were just working on his car. I needed to remember to thank Clare. I took out my phone and sent Clare a text.

**Adam: **_Thanks : )_

I got to my English class and sat down just seconds before class started. I went to take out the book I needed, when I realized I left it in my locker. Just my luck.

"Mrs. Kay?" I asked raising my hand. "Can I go get my book?" She nodded.

I walked through the empty hallway towards my locker. I scanned the flyers that littered the halls. There was nothing interesting. That didn't really surprise me.

Suddenly I felt a muscular arm wrap around my shoulder, making me stop in my tracks. "Hey fag." A deep voice whispered in my ear. My body stiffened. I looked up to see a guy much bigger then me. I didn't know who he was. I'd seen him in the halls before, but I didn't know him personally. I guessed he was on some sports team. Hockey? Football? Wrestling maybe? It didn't really matter. All that mattered was that he could beat the shit out of me and I wouldn't be able to stop him.

"I'm not a fag." I said through clenched teeth.

"Oh I think you are. Actually the entire school thinks you are." He told me as if it were a fact.

"Leave me alone." I demanded. I knew it was a wasted effort, but I had to try.

"So you and that goth kid are a thing now?" He asked. He removed his arm from my shoulders, and instead pushed me against the wall. Pinning me against it so that I couldn't move. "Well we don't want that crap here. And we don't want _you _here."

I tried to let my mind wander. I knew what was coming next. He punched me in the face. I could feel the blood as it started to trickle down my skin. With his other hand he punched me in the jaw. Then he threw me to the ground. I fell onto my side. From there he started kicking me. Multiple times in the ribs, and once in the head.

I remained on the ground, as I watched him walk away. When he was out of sight I pulled myself into a sitting position, and leaned against the garbage can next to me. It was sad to realize that being beat up didn't even faze me anymore. It still hurt. I wouldn't deny that. But to me it wasn't something necessarily _bad. _It was just part of life. Unavoidable.

"Dinners ready." Drew told me, coming into my room.

I stood up and winced, grabbing my side. I probably fractured a rib. It wouldn't be the first time that had happened to me.

"Fuck what happened to you?" Drew asked concerned. He came in and closed the door.

"What do you think happened?" I asked. It came out ruder than I meant it too.

"Who?" He asked. We both knew what he meant.

"I don't know. Some guy. Big. Tan. Dark hair." I sighed. "So he looked like every other jock at Degrassi."

"Well if it happens again get his name and let me know." Drew told me, leaving my room.

I just nodded. I loved that Drew cared enough to look out for me, but it got annoying. I didn't need anyone taking care of me.

My phone went off on the table next to me.

**Eli:** _Are you okay?_

I smiled. I loved that he cared. I knew it was just looking out for a friend, but it still meant a lot.

**Adam: **_I'll survive_

**Eli: **_Ok . . . let me know if you want to talk about ANYTHING_

Anything? I really hoped that didn't mean he knew.


	3. Chapter 3

*Eli's POV*

"Any idea why I found _this _on my locker?" I asked Clare, handing her a piece of notebook paper covered with my name. She groaned. She recognized Adam's handwriting just as I had.

"Uhh-Wel-Well you see-" Clare stuttered. "Well it's a funny story actually."

Clare fidgeted with the bottom of her sweater she was wearing over a pink knee length dress. Her eyes remained locked to the floor as she mumbled out excuses.

"Clare just spit it out."

"Adam likes you." Clare told me quickly. "Oh god you can't tell him I told you!"

Adam liked me? He liked _me_? I didn't think that was possible. He was _Adam._ Adam, my best friend. He couldn't actually be interested in me. He was into girls. We both are. Atleast we both _were. _This was insane.

But I had been thinking about him a lot lately. And yesterday I _did_ think he was cute. That didn't mean anything though. Then there was the dream.

"Damn it." I sat down against my locker, burying me face in my hands. This couldn't be happening.

"What is it?" Clare asked, standing above me.

"I think-" I didn't know how to say this. "I think I like him too."

I waited for Clare's reaction but she stayed silent. Eventually I looked up to see her grinning.

"You have to tell him." She was practically bouncing. "He'll be so happy."

"Clare, I'm not telling him." That should have been obvious. Did she not know me at all?

Clare continued to argue with me. I knew I should tell him but I just couldn't. I didn't know why but it just didn't seem like something I could do.

"Eli, do you realize how happy he would be if he knew you had feelings for him?" Clare asked. "His life is hard enough as it is. He could use any happiness he can get, and you could give it to him."

I didn't like it, but she was right. He needed me. And I needed him. I needed someone.

"How?" She knew what I meant.

"You'll figure something out." Clare smiled and walked away. Leaving me alone on the hallway floor.

I looked up at the clock, just five more minutes until lunch. Class was killing me. I was so tired and it was only Tuesday.

My phone went off in my pocket.

**Clare:** Don't wait for me at lunch = D

**Me: **Why?

**Clare:** You and Adam need some time alone

Fuck. She wasn't going to let this go. If I didn't tell him though, she would tell him for me. I couldn't let that happen.

The bell rang and I hurried out of class, nearly knocking over a girl walking next to me. I apologized but I didn't think she heard me.

I went straight to Adam's locker and leaned against it casually. I couldn't let him see how nervous I was. I fixed my hair as I saw him walking toward me. I had to admit, he was _really _hot.

"Hey Dude." I said. Hopefully that sounded normal.

"Hey." He said. I noticed he was keeping a distance from me. "Where's Clare?"

"Does it matter?" I snapped. I didn't realize how rude I sounded until he glared at me. He was so cute when he was mad. I smiled apologetically and made up a lie. I didn't have any idea where she was. "She had to make up a English test. So it's just you and me."

We walked out to the parking lot where my car was parked. It had broke down on the way to school this morning, I had to push it three blocks to get here. I needed to fix it, or I had no way to get it home.

"Ok go start it." I told Adam, tossing my keys to him.

He climbed into the driver's seat and smiled in accomplishment when the engine roared to life. I wondered if he could drive. If he couldn't, I could teach him. Oh I had to stop teasing myself. That would never happen.

We finished working on Morty and started walking back to school.

"So are we still hanging out Friday?" Adam asked me, breaking the silence.

"Don't we always?" I asked him. We hung out every Friday, he should have known that by now.

"Yeah I guess we do." Adam laughed. I loved his laugh. It was so feminine and he never tried to hide it.

"Blood Chains will be playing down on 30th, so I thought we could go check them out?" I knew he had never heard them, but they were awesome and if I liked them I knew he would too.

"Oh yeah! Cool." I tried to cover up the smile that was forming on my face. He was trying to impress me.

"So what's your favorite song?" I asked smirking.

"Oh. It's so hard to choose. They're all so great." Adam lied.

I spent the rest of the lunch period trying to corner him into admitting he didn't know them. Much to my surprise he was consistent and pretty convincing.

I walked Adam to class, hopefully he didn't remember that my class was on the other side of the building

_One last chance to reverse this curse,  
You stole my heart but I had it first.  
And now I see you've got something to prove,  
And nothing to lose_

My phone sang on my bed next to me.

"Yeah?" I answered, not bothering to look at the caller ID. The only people who ever called me were Clare and Adam.

"Did you hear about Adam?" She asked, her voice shaking.

"What about him?"

"He got beat up at school. Again." Clare told me. No matter how often it happened to him, she never seemed to be able to get over it.

"Is he okay?"

"Yeah he's fine, but-"

"Okay good." I interrupted her, hanging up the phone.

How could people do this to him? It was disgusting. Why couldn't they just take the time to get to know him? He didn't deserve any of this.

**Me:** _Are you okay?_

I was worried about him. I had to admit it.

**Adam: **_I'll survive_

**Eli: **_Ok . . . let me know if you want to talk about ANYTHING_

If I could just get him to talk. I needed him to know how much he meant to me. There was no way I could tell him. I just couldn't.

Fuck.

A/N: Sorry it took so long to update! I've just been . . . Ugh. I'll try to update more regularly though. Just hang in there please! I actually think I know where this story is going. . .Oh and reviews would be lovely.


	4. IMPORTANT! Please read!

Hey everyone!

In case you guys couldn't tell, this story is no longer active due to my immense writers block. But if any of you are still interested I suggest you check out **alwaysjustme15** who has been given my permission to continue this story.

So I hope you all go read her version because I'm sure it will be great!


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